This will come as a surprise to no one, but this baby is due to arrive quite soon. Because of this, I have gotten more than my usual amount of kind, well meaning and annoying phone calls from relatives.

Many of them want to know what we would like to have for the baby. I have a boy and two girls already. All of them have fall birthdays. I save everything. Relatives are left unsatisfied when I say diapers are welcome, but what I'd really like is a spa day or a visit from a house cleaning service. I realize that none of those fit the cute little baby outfit category, but they did ask what I wanted. If this is a boy, I might need clothes -- because I actually haven't saved every outfit The Boy wore seven years ago, but I can't really know that until after the child emerges from the womb -- now can I?

Naturally, they all also want to know the baby's due date. I've been telling them mid-October for nine months now, and again, they are strangely unsatisfied by this response. They all seem to assume that if they ask just one more time, I'll break, give them an actual date and then they can start calling every hour or two on that day to see if anything is happening yet. Obviously that's what I need.

Having left them without the answers they are looking for on the above questions, my relatives move on to the next one. Most of them already wish I'd found out whether the baby is a boy or a girl, but since we haven't -- they want to know what names we've picked out.

In the past, we've always managed to narrow the list down to a few promising first names at least, by this point. Nobody really seems to believe me when I tell them that this time I don't have a list. It is true that I have a front runner in the boy name category, but for girls -- nada. Honest. And as far as middle names go -- nothing. And what if I decide I don't like the boy's name I have in mind. Ooops. No back up plans at this point.

It's true, of course, that I don't much like sharing names before hand anyway. I start hearing from one side or another why name X is horrible. One name I had considered in the past actually inspired a comment from a relative that it was the next "Adolf." Yep, picking names is fraught with tribulations, but since we have none and are having trouble getting started on that subject, I know for sure I don't want to talk about it with even the most well-meaning relative.

At the end of such calls, I always receive a reminder that the relative expects to hear when the baby arrives -- as if we planned not to notify grandparents, great-grandparents and other close relatives.

I expect many, many more such phone calls in the upcoming weeks. I know they care and I know they usually mean well -- but I'd like it better if Merry Maids showed up at the door and I was whisked off to the spa.